Anticipation in the journey

Most people I know think that anticipation is a huge part of our journeys. We seem to do an awful lot of looking forward to things - events, trips, visits - at least I do. I sometimes then wonder if at these times I live more in the future than in the right now. If that is so, then for sure I think I miss a great deal that is the only reality there is - now, this minute.

I am thinking about this because of my much anticipated trip to the UK on Monday. I have been 'looking forward' to it for a long time. It will, I think, be my last trip there in part because I don't so much enjoy lifting big, heavy  suitcases all over everywhere any more and in part because I won't have the money. But there is also a certain sense of anxiety (I'm not quite sure if that is the right word but it will do) because I will see most of the sisters I left behind when our monastery closed and I am not sure how and on what terms, we will now relate. I think things will be okay but I am a bit apprehensive (maybe that is the word I want). We will see.

I do want to see the sisters because they were so much a part of my life over the thirty years of my religious life. I want to hear from them that they are at peace and indeed, happy. I want to see their faces and read there what I can of their well-being. We will see.

This trip is different though because I am going with my niece whom I am just getting to know again after all the years of absence. So there is some of the stuff that tourists do that I have not done for many, many years. We will see.

What I want to do more than anything though is just to live each moment. I hope to enjoy everything but to be here, now and not be thinking: what will we do this afternoon, what about the visit planned for tomorrow. I don't want to 'waste' a minute in that sense at least - (I do rather think there are a number of really good ways to 'waste' time but not by not living in the present). We will see.

Back to the blog at the end of the month I hope.