Plans and living now

'So, what are your plans then?' This question came from a friend some time ago after I had been back in Canada after my 30 years of monastic life in England. I found myself quite taken aback. What were my plans? Then, oddly - or so it seemed to me - I said, 'I don't have any'. 


'I don't have any plans'. There, I have said it. Almost immediately I can feel that little tug of guilt in my head. Shouldn't I have plans? Shouldn't I be setting out to DO something? Well, I am doing something - or trying to do something. I am  trying to live just now. Here. This moment. And seeing what happens.


I am soon going to be 75 years old ( I almost wrote 'odd' there instead of 'old' - hmmm.) and this life, this particular manifestation of me is sooner rather than later, going to end, so why not try to cherish each moment. So that is what I am trying to do and it is really quite amazing that in the process of that all sorts of lovely things happen. 


I sometimes think back to a younger me and recall the moment when I realized that I had lived almost the whole of my life until I entered the monastery, on the surface. I had not ever tasted anything really deeply. Isn't that a waste? Now, I know better what I want to do and what I think perhaps most people want to do but find themselves too busy to do. I want to live now - just now - because when you ponder it, that is absolutely all there is. That for me, is something to think about.


I am reminded of all this by two things I  have recently read. Once again the Buddhist writer/philosopher thich nhat hanh writing more about mindfulness: Mindful living is an art. You do not have to be a monk or live in a monastery to practice mindfulness. ... when you do the dishes [for instance] ..do not feel you have to rush. If you hurry , you waste the time of dish washing. The time you spend washing dishes and doing all your other everyday tasks is precious. It is time for being alive. When you practice mindful living, peace will bloom during your daily activities.
Well, who would have thought that such mundane things could be so precious but just try it!


The second quote is from a book by Mary Jo Leddy called Radical Gratitude. Consider date books, their shape and size and color, how they are used and why. Not only are they helpful, but they are also a sign of identity and maybe even purpose in life.  You can tell a person, or so they say, by his or her date book. The fuller it is the more important you must be, the more meaningful your life- or so it would seem. You sense your true insignificance when someone merely  pencils you in...no crisis seems worse than losing your date book, because then you wouldn't know what you were supposed to do or when. Yet, would you still know why? That is the question. Is there any thread of meaning, any sense of direction and purpose that flows through all those pages of a date book? Are the pages of our days held together by anything more than a cover?


Now that too, is worth pondering isn't it?