Gift of the day

I have spoken often of the people who come each morning to the streetcar stop across the street from me. Each morning they show up at the same time, they tend to stand or pace or look at their watches in the same way. I suppose we are all much the same in the sense that we have our routines and our way of doing things and this tends to make each day quite similar, some might even think, boring. But this is not as it seems. 

I say 'this is not as it seems' because in fact, each day is different, new, a new start, a new given. Each day will bring a different way of looking at what seems common to us. Each day even lived with the same people and the same job and the same schedule is a unique opportunity really to live to the full. I certainly don't always think of that but of course that man of wisdom, the Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh does. He says:

Every twenty four hour day is a tremendous gift to us. So we all should learn to live in a way that makes joy and happiness possible. We can do this. I begin my day...I think to myself that this day is a day to live fully, and I make the vow to live each moment of it in a way that is beautiful, solid and free...you can do the same thing. Tell yourself that a new day has been offered to you, and you have to be here to live it.*

That seems so wise to me. Life does whizz along and, at my stage of life (mid 70's) you begin really to experience in new ways that what is past can't be lived again; that what is past has gone and perhaps cannot be touched. The future is of course uncertain, so today is what I have. I think it is an art? a gift? a work in progress? to be able to be here, now. I have said this before I think, so it must be that it is important to me and maybe to you?
*The Everyday wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh, compiled and edited by Melvin McLeod, Shambhala Press, Boston, 2011 

Beauty in 'unstoppable decay'

Again perhaps, one of those coincidences - those serendipious coincidences. My last blog entry was about seeing failure as okay, as part of who and what we are and what part it plays as our journey unfolds. Then this morning I read another of Mary Oliver's poems that seems to me to speak to that.

The poem is called The Ponds* and she is in wonder at the beauty of the lilies in the pond with the light shining upon them. She describes what she sees as 'rich and wild'. But then, she startles a bit by saying

                  But what in this world
                  is perfect?

and goes on to describe the detail in this vision of beauty: for instance, the ones that are lopsided, or have a blight, or have been nibbled at or are full of their own unstoppable decay.

What comes next was another of those moments when I came to a stop and pondered:

                  Still, what I want in my life
                  is to be willing
                  to be dazzled - 
                  to cast aside the weight of facts

                  And maybe even
                  to float a little
                  above this difficult world
                  I want to believe I am looking

                  into the white fire of a great mystery.
                  I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing
                  that the light is everything - that it is more than the sum
                  of each flawed blossom rising and fading. And I do. 

This all then, speaks to me again of a way of viewing imperfection, failure (in a sense) as part of the very fabric of life; part even of what makes us and all life beautiful. Again, I feel we can help each other see this and believe it. We can help each other to see beauty even in the 'unstoppable decay' which is in all our lives.  

  
 *(Mary Oliver: New and Selected Poems, Beacon Press, Boston, 1992)
      

The wonder of failure

You may be getting tired of my quoting from books but when you read things that really speak to your heart or cause you to pause and say: 'Wow' it is lovely to be able to share that. Anyway, here is another (again from the Tutu book):

What might our lives feel like if we didn't march through them with a scorecard, keeping tally of our failures and successes? How would it be to stop pretending omniscience? Can you imagine being able to trust that the outcome of your efforts will be right, whatever the outcome? Even when it looks as though every effort is marked with failure?

My first reaction to this was to question its rightness. Yes, sometimes we can see that things that have been failures for us may have, in the end, led to something even better. Maybe a job we didn't get led to an even better, more interesting one. Maybe a breakup with a friend or partner led to a better self-understanding even through all the pain. But also, are there times when failure only stopped there? where failure led to failure?

I think the Tutu's are saying though that even when we ourselves cannot experience the failure as anything but failure, the longer term may show it to be much more positive. Though we may not have thought of it this way, for Christians, the most outstanding and life-giving failure was Jesus and his ministry. At least from his point of view, when, at the end everyone he counted on deserted him; when those he had chosen specially really didn't understand him, that seemed to be failure by anyone's standard.  Even today, his message is often so misused and misinterpreted or not lived, it sometimes seems that there is still no success. But the truth and love and power of his message did get through to many people – maybe not fast enough or powerfully enough for our liking but all the same, it will prevail I think. I think it will prevail because it is, basically, the same message as all the major religions. Therefore it seems  to be part of a universal drive from God to be fully human as Jesus was.

Maybe too, our culture right now doesn't help us. I would guess that every one of us experiences  failure and weakness but finds it hard in the current atmosphere to accept because we feel overcome and pressured by a world that basically has a very unhelpful idea of success.

Though obviously we do not/should not accept dishonesty, cruelty, lying in politicians or business  people or ourselves, still, when it does happen it is worth remembering I think, that every one of us is quite capable of these follies and perhaps much worse. When someone who seems really good and noble (maybe think the 2007/8 version of Barack Obama) we are shocked when we discover they are not the noble saint we thought. When that happens we often then cast the proverbial baby out with the bathwater, and reject everything they do and stand for. That does seem destructive both for our society and for ourselves.

I don't want to ramble on here but I guess if I had a hope for the year to come - or the years to come - it would be twofold: 1) that we could love ourselves and others as we are - lovely, weak, human and 2) that we could en-courage one another to behave well, to be courageous, to be compassionate, to be good and when we fall, as we will, that we will hold fast to one another in love.  

 Also: don't forget -  http://charterforcompassion.org/  It is such a great project.

Meandering

I think today I feel like a little meandering. I am still reading the Tutu's book and am now into another of Mary Oliver's books of poetry and of course, am always reading Thich Nhat Hanh. So here we go.

Mary Oliver has a poem from the early 1990's called: 'When Death Comes'. I want to quote a few lines though I know that a poem is a whole and that perhaps it is unfair to take bits. Still, the poem begins:

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me and snaps the purse shut; .....

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering,
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

The final lines of this poem are, it seems to me, the cruncher and the part that makes me want to live each moment:

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

                           ----------------------------------------------

Then, from the Tutu's book. There is a chapter called 'Where is God when we fail?'. In that chapter they talk about how hard it is for us to deal with failure in our lives; how we seek to be in control, to be self-made so that we can keep failure at bay. But of course, we do fail and then we are full of shame and find whatever faith we may have to be not always helpful because we are ashamed. Here is a little bit about what they say: 

The gift of failure may be a deep encounter with God...It may be only when we have reached the end of our rope that we finally realize that the only secure handhold is God. When we recognize that we can no longer rely on our own resources, we open a space for God to work. When the myth of being self-made explodes in our face, we can fully awaken to the abiding presence of God. At times like these, failure is a blessing.

I would guess that not many of us experience failure as a blessing but I have to say that in my own life, the experience of reaching the bottom of the pit; the bottom of abysmal failure has been a gift of the most life-blessing power.

                        ---------------------------------------------- 

And now, from Thich Nhat Hanh. I think this certainly relates to piece from the Tutu book but it is also of course, its own wisdom.

The Buddha advises us not to try to run away from our fear, but to bring up our fear and have a deep look into it. Most of us try to cover up our fear. Most of us are afraid of looking directly at our fear....the Buddha proposed that you bring the seed of fear up, and recognize that it is there and embrace it with your mindfulness.

Many of us have probably experienced how much more power unexamined fear has than that which we do face. The fear for instance,  that if we tell someone our deepest concern they will turn away from us only to discover that they embrace us and accept us and know us, sometimes, better than we know ourselves. 

I just found all these bits kind of wise and wanted to share them with you.

(Mary Oliver: New and Selected Poems, Beacon Press, Boston, 1992: Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu: Made for Goodness and why this makes all the difference, Harper Collins, New York, 2011: Your True Home, The Everyday wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh, compiled and edited by Melvin McLeod, Shambhala Press, Boston, 2011)  

 Also: don't forget -  http://charterforcompassion.org/  It is such a great project.

Choices and God

I have remarked before, and I am sure you have too, about the coincidences (?) of themes that suddenly appear. You hear, for instance, a certain word or about a certain subject and suddenly it seems to appear again and again. I imagine that is because we have been alerted and now we see, but all the same it seems worth attending to the alert. Maybe something is being brought to our attention.

Today it was about choice. I started a new book of Mary Oliver's poetry called: Evidence. At the beginning before the poetry begins there is a quote from Soren Kierkegaard which says: We create ourselves by our choices. For whatever reason that kind of stopped me dead for a moment. We create ourselves by our choices. Is it true? 

In the same reading session, still reading the book by Desmond and Mpho Tutu I found that I was beginning a chapter called, Free to Choose. Is that a coincidence? It hit me because I always used to find myself qualifying statements about the power of choice in our lives by asking 'how much freedom do we really have? Are we not to quite a strong extent limited by upbringing? by personality? by life circumstances? But I think what the Tutu's are saying about this is really really vital.
  
Choice is a freedom each person has. God invests each of us with the freedom to choose. ...We have the freedom to choose right. But that would be meaningless if there were not also the possibility that we could choose wrong.

The chapter then goes on to look at the parable of the Prodigal Son in which the younger son takes his father's money, the inheritance he would have received upon his father's death, and squanders it. When he spends it all he decides to return home not sure, of course, how he will be received, but his father seeing him a long way off, runs to greet him, embraces him, and celebrates his return. There is of course, much more to the story but part of the point the Tutus want to make is about the father's response.

The breadth of God's forgiveness, the depths of God's love, and the grace to wait - true wisdom for parenting - are all displayed in this simple story.
The powerful powerlessness of parenting is akin to the self-imposed impotence of God in the face of our choices. Like the father in the parable who just sits there day after day helpless - in a way - God is not willing to do anything to infringe upon our freedom...In the parable we see the father's longing. We can imagine him stepping out of his house each day to sit where he can watch the long road...then finally, one day, waaaay over theeereee in the distance he sees a figure approach...he runs...to meet his child.

But there is another and just as important aspect of this whole business of the freedom of choice and that is that we are not just left to our own devices to muddle through our choices on our own. The shepherd of Luke's Gospel parable lets us see that God honors our choices yet seeks us out.

It is the seeking out, the accompanying, the embracing that keep us from being crushed by our destructive choices. Kierkegaard says that all our choices make us who we are and God is saying, they don't have to destroy you, my love will create a thing of beauty in your heart and of your life. You can choose to let me.

The New Year in graciousness

Already we are four days into the new year and I am only now getting back to the blog. As with many folks over this holiday I spent a fair number of days flat out with a cold and no energy to write. But now...

I received several lovely and inspiring books at Christmas. It always seems a gift to hear and absorb the wisdom of good people. I would like to share from one of them: Made for Goodness by Desmond and Mpho Tutu and from a book of poetry I have had but not read for a while by Mary Oliver, called Thirst.

First, from Mary Oliver's book of poetry. You will perhaps be familiar with this poem - it is called When I am Among the Trees. The first two verses struck me as being perfect to begin the new year with for those of us who may find ourselves still rushing through life:

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
    but walk slowly, and bow often.

I find myself deeply touched by those last two lines. Can I learn to walk more slowly through the world and then, filled with wonder and gratitude, bow often. I sense that if we could do that, our world would be pretty close to perfect because there is such respect and thanksgiving.

And then from Desmond and Mpho Tutu's book which is about the beautiful generosity and graciousness of God's love. This too is a poem and they have introduced it by saying: But first turn with us into the stillness and listen to God speak with the voice of the heart:

Don't struggle and strive so, my child
There is no race to complete, no point to prove, no obstacle course to
  conquer for you to win my love.
I have already given it to you.   

Of course, you really want to read the whole of both these poems and indeed, both of these books. But what I read just filled me with a wonderful sense that the beginning of a new year can be immensely hopeful and immensely graceful no matter the state of the world around us.

(Thirst by Mary Oliver, Beacon Press, Boston, 2006;  Made for Goodness and why this makes all the difference by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, HarperCollins, 2010)