Time

While I was away in the UK last month I was so very aware of several friends who had become ill before I left and whose illnesses had come as a sort of a shock. Naturally, they became part of my daily prayer so they were never, ever far from my mind. But I also realised that the increasing number of people I know who are suffering illness in some way provides an ever more insistent reminder of the passing of years and the amazing fragility of life.

As I pondered this I was trying to think why the awareness of it increases  more each time. In passing, I notice now that the subject of health occupies an awful lot of the conversation of many people I know. That didn't used to be the case of course, because when we were young and strong, doctors and health received relatively little attention. Having said that, I do get a sense that in the 30 years I was away, out of circulation as it were, the subject of health even for young people seems to be of more interest. What vitamins do you take? what do you or don't you eat? what exercise do you get? There are huge numbers of ads on TV related to health as well. What is this about? Does it mean even younger people are feeling more vulnerable?

But getting back to people in my age bracket I do understand that the sense of increasing vulnerability is very realistic. In the middle 70's and beyond you know absolutely that life is coming to a close and as you see around you so many friends with canes or walkers or pacemakers or wheelchairs or whatever, you know that time has something of a different quality. I would call it a quality of preciousness - others of course may see it quite differently. I see time is becoming infinitely more precious and infinitely less infinite!!! As a for-instance, I read about things in the paper that the city is planning for the year 2020 and I think, realistically I believe, that the odds are I may not be alive for that. Whereas, not long ago ( so it seems) it would never have occurred to me that I would not be around.

Time is of course, hugely mysterious. I once tried to read Stephen Hawkings book 'A brief history of time' and understood not a word. But all the same, time is what we live our lives in. Think of all the generations who came before us - where have they gone? There was a time when they lived just as we do - youth, middle age, old age - and then, what???? It is awesome and mysterious and I think, a gift.


So, is this too depressing? I hope not. For whatever reason death is an absolute given for every single one of us. And life has no guarantees of length or quality or goodness. But I do find now, in older age that as each day unfolds the minutes and hours become more of a gift to me, they are more precious and I am grateful for that. I really am learning that I don't need to waste time worrying about tomorrow because I have just this moment that I am sure of and that is okay.